RE: Help Stop Global Warming

Dear Dr. Yumonee,

Clearly you and I have much in common. I accept your offer and I shall have the refrigerators ready to receive your cash per your request. Coincidentally, I will be cleaning them out at 3:00pm this Friday afternoon and getting rid of all the unlabeled items. I find your offer to be as reputable as any I have received, and I am sure my co-workers will be more than happy to aid you as well.

Most Sincerely,

Charles R. Wheeler
Keeper of the Coolers


>>
>>
>>April 28th, 2004
>>
>>
>>Dr. I. Gonagicha Yumonee
>>Exchequer General
>>Zambimbamia, Africa
>>Botswana, residence in exile
>>
>>Dear Sir/Madame:
>>
>>I received your name from a close, personal friend who asked to remain anonymous. He identified you as a trustworthy and >>righteous gentleman, in charge of refrigerators, who would help me in my cause. You see, my oil-rich island country off >>the coast of Africa, is in danger of being submerged due to the oceans rising from global warming. In order to save our >>island and reclaim our land, we need to install a hydraulic system that will allow us to raise our land incrementally, >>and develop our oil reserves.
>>
>>Fortuitously, I am the executor of our Prime Minister's estate and he has died due to unnatural causes, leaving >>$5,000,000,000 dollars in a Swiss bank account. Unfortunately, due to my indeterminate nationality I cannot travel >>freely in the U.S. and need help in obtaining the money. My plan is to have this amount of money delivered by courier to >>your refrigerators at 3:30pm this Friday so that it can be picked up by our embassador (who drives a taxi in San
>>Francisco) on the weekend. In order to accommodate this amount of cash in your facilities, I would ask you to clean out >>only the unmarked and older foodstuffs from your refrigerator by 3pm, and have all other items labeled to avoid
>>confusion.
>>
>>Most Sincerely,
>>
>>Dr. Yumonee

The Doctor is IN

Colleagues,

Today, vee shall be conducting zee routine gazamination of zee refrigeratoria at precisilly sree ondeedot. Vee shall be eggiztracting any unt all unknown and any unt all togzick zings vrom zer bowels. Megz you veel kinduff lucky not to be a fridge today, no? Yah, me too!

Dr. Veeler

Lost & Lost

Yeah, guys and gals, it appears that certain items have been lost and gone unclaimed in the fridge.

Let's see, oh, there's this container of novelty green fuzzy yogurt (mmmmm), and a nice hunk of cheese wrapped in aluminum foil. Look at these formerly fresh vegetables. And something over rice with no more something. Salad Aquariums and tupperware tye-dyed on the inside.

Hey, what's this baggy in the freezer? Hmmm, looks like tea. Smells like... [cough, cough, cough]. Yeah, um, if you want to claim your 'tea' it will be at my desk.

What else is in here? Man, what happened to all those bottles of champagne? I wonder if they put them in the server room with the other ones? Oh, was I supposed to say that? Oh well.

Seriously, I wanted to thank everyone for continuing to clean up after yourselves in the fridge. I've been keeping metrics on this, and you've made my job a whole lot easier and more palatable. Remember to eat your vegetables & keep up the good work!

3pm today, another episode of 'Homemaker Behind Bars', where your old and unlabeled food gets thrown out by real celebrities- live!

I Pledge Allegiance to the Fridge...

Being of somewhat sound mind and an unstable and deteriorating but functionary body we do hereby swear to uphold the ideals, values [sic] and honor of our venerable and esteemed refrigerators [hic]. This being shtated unequivicably and without reservation, um, yes, in the... I'm afraid I'll need another drinky winky and we'll have to begin again in order to ensure the correct and proper enumeration to secure this ratification... Drunk?! Me!? Why I can't imagine in a million years why tha, um yeah, over ice. My goodness young man, to even imply such degenerate behavior, at work even, that's shlander!

Let's begin here. 3pm? Isn't that a little early to be cleaning the fridge. Now don't break any of my bottles there, young man. What do you mean you'll throw them away if they're not labeled?! They're labeled! See, it says 'Coors'.
Oh, with MY name? Um, let's see is, ah, is Bill with two ells or one? Yes it's my name, but I'm just testing you there Mr. smarty pants. Sheesh!

How do they expect you to write on somethining that's roundy and slick like a nice cold bottle of, mmm, beer. Doot dah doot. Hmm. Maybe I'll just put them in a bag and hide 'em in the back of the fridge. Oh, well, look, somebody named 'Gap' beat me to it. Oooh! Grapes. I'll just have a leetle bitty grapey. Mmmmm! Huh? No, I'm shutting the fridge. I was just cooling off. S'too hot in here. Are these your grapes? Quite good if I don't say so myself. I, uh, I was just testing them for the fridge guy, because they're on the edge- could go bad at any moment. Okay, well, s'back to work...