Leftovers

Yep! It's my last fridge cleaning today so I'm going to try to do an extra-good job.

I'm attaching all my remaining fragments and incomplete fridge ideas, because, I don't want them to get old and moldy hanging out in my email! Hopefully there's something to be said for quantity...

Leftover Titles:

What is my bologne's name?

Quien es mas macho?

Easy come, easy go go go!

Lez take a gander at thee fridgerooni! What have we here? Pre-trash. That's BASURA en espanol or as I like to call moldy rotting food in the fridge, 'the living landfill that time forgot!' You have until 3:00pm before your unlabeled food, baby spinach that's 'matured', broccoli 'fros , deflated grapes, and unidentified green fuzzy objects get to do the monster mash in the trash.

Adios Muchachos!

Disfruten el fin de semana!

Carlito

Yeah, but how does it feel?

Um, so, I'm not sure where to start, but um, I've always been this shape and size.

Yes, go on.

Anyway, I started getting cleaned out on a weekly basis...

Mm-hmm.

...and so I started to realize how badly I'd been treated in the past.

...and, and. I know this is wrong. But sometimes I wouldn't cool down everything the same.

Can you explain.

Yeah, well, I wouldn't cool down peoples' food that I didn't feel were treating me well. So, like, one milk container would make it to its date, but t'other I'd just let it curdle because the guy would slam my door or break a shelf, and, like, who wants to be treated like that?

Wow! I didn't know you could do that.

There's a lot of things people don't know about refrigerators.

Hey, what about the light?

Sorry, I'm not tellin'.

Decommissioning and Retirement

Ahem... As the eldest fridge in our office, and one soon to be retiring, it has fallen upon me to address the office for Charlie's final cleaning of the year, this Friday, today, at 3pm- when all unlabeled and old food will be taken away and discarded in the trash. I would like to thank you for greatly improving the quality of my life. Through your diligence, the cleanliness of the refrigerators has gone up 200% while simultaneously cutting the cleaning time in half. We are just rectangular inanimate objects, but still, it feels good to be a valued part of the Edusoft team. I must tell you that it has been a great great ride these past few years...

Truth is stranger than fiction... (Thanks to John McG-)

http://www.glad.com/media_19.html

FIND OUT WHAT’S LURKING BEHIND CLOSED DOORS DURING NATIONAL CLEAN OUT YOUR REFRIGERATOR WEEK, MARCH 24 – 28, 2003 According to a recent survey conducted by Whirlpool and Glad, only one quarter (25 percent) of Americans clean out their refrigerators at least once a year and 5 percent have never cleaned their fridge. In fact, one-third (34 percent) of Americans would rather do laundry; clean the bathroom; take out the garbage or do yard work rather than purge their fridge.

Finally, I'm supposed to mention something about parrots and naked parrots saying something or other. I don't understand these special requests myself either. But it's been fun.

Ciao baby!

Charlisimo!

What is clean?

To me, clean is the opposite of dirty. After I mud wrestle I am dirty. Take a shower, I am clean.

"I, um, I think clean is when there's no crumbs in the bed. But that means no cookies either :("

In the postmodern world, there is no clean, there is no dirty, only a continuum. So when we say 'The fridge is dirty.' it's a political statement. Pejorative in the extreme. All the historical precedents leading up to that moment come into play and the resulting resentment necessitates the so-called 'cleaning' of the fridge and reifies the cultural norms. Even if the fridge is not actually cleaned.

My cleanliness rivals that of any other person due to my ACD, and my upbringing. I have at 2 or 3 times in my life attained perfect cleanliness through extensive scrubbing, fasting and the use of enemas. Unfortunately, all my friends stopped speaking to me.

In my country we have very leetle cleanliness. It is bourgeouisie, therefore forbidden. If my house were clean, it would stand out, and I would be put under surveillance. You should not complain about cleaning. Here, we cannot clean.

Cleanliness is relative. See, look, this here booger, it ain't gross, it's from my nose, so I know it's clean. Here, feel...

"That's not dirt in the food, that's trail spice. Mmm."

Ha! Who wants to be clean? I want to be DIRTY! Mmmmm. I haven't showered in a week. Can you tell? It's very Continental. Au naturale! I feel closer to the earth mother.

Ewe! Why are you asking?! Are you trying to get out of cleaning the fridge? That's lame dude. The milk cartons leak and if you don't wipe it up, that's not clean. Got it buddy!? You think you can get out of your date with dirt don't you? You can't! 3pm. No slacking! If it's unlabeled and/or old, you MUST throw it away.

Charlisimo

This email is a natural hand made product. The slight variations in spelling and grammar enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws.

Reeeaaadddddyyyyy toooo Ruuuuuumbbbbblllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeee!!!

In this corner, 22.5 cubic feet of Fridgidaire. The coolest of the cool.

And in this corner, Mr. Kenmore himself. He's got an ice maker, and he's an ice breaker!

Gentlemen,

[Ding! Ding!]

Ow! Ken deals a lethal bruising blow to the Fridge's freon with his ice cold freezer door. The Fridge counters, nailing Ken's water dispenser with a quick jab of his condensation tray.
Oh no! Ice rains down on Ken's front grill. He's angry now!

Smackdown!

"Ahhhhhh! Ow! He bit my handle!"

Ladies and Gentlemen, what a low blow! The Fridge has taken a bite out of Mr. Kenmore's freezer handle. Is that condensation..or.. Yes, it looks like he's leaking,

And ladies and gentlement, the fight's been stopped...

At 3pm, the dirty rotten fridges will be cleaned out. All no-names and anything that's yellow or green- watch out! 'Cause yer gonna' git trashed.